I’ve realized something the past two weeks: I don’t have a job. Technically, my PT Boot Camp is my job. I have received Long Term Disability this year so that I can have this time to spend in rehabilitation and I am using this time as “wisely” as I can. I attend at least six appointments each week: Acupuncture 3 x week, PT 2 x week and Biofeedback 1 x week – all in addition to the 2-3 exercise routines that I perform at home each day, the 1+ mile that I walk each night and the four forms I fill out every two hours of EVERY DAY… But, for some reason, well, for many reasons, it doesn’t “feel” like it is a job…
Recently, someone said to me, “Steph, you can do fill-in-the-blank; you stay at home.” The person who said that obviously did not know me very well, nor know my weekly schedule!
When working out my updated exercise schedule with my PT yesterday, she asked me how I was “emotionally” handling all of these changes. How am I handling this??? I’m conflicted. When I feel burnt-out from running to appointment to appointment, I try to motivate myself. There are those days when I feel like a lab-rat, someone who is just put into a room, poked, prodded, and talked at instead of talked to; however, a majority of the days, due to the amazing people who are on my Boot Camp Team, I am a part of a process leading to a better body and recovery. Many days, I can focus on the positives: since I added Acupuncture to my regimen, my pain levels have drastically dropped! Since I have completely weaned off of Narcotics, my pain levels have finally leveled-out! Since I have started my walking routine, I am able to walk almost a mile and a half every day! Since my Team Meeting a month ago, my endurance has drastically increased! Life is good! Right! Right???
My husband has been my hero through this entire experience. Just three weeks after Gage asked me to marry him, I threw out my back. On our 1-Year-Dating Anniversary, Gage was in the shower and I was in my bedroom; I bent over to get dressed and he could hear my scream over the sound of the running water as I fell to the ground in excruciating pain. Gage ran to me as fast as he could, helped me up and held me while we called his mom (aka Dr. Mom) to determine what to do next. Even though Gage had a day filled with romantic surprises for me, he spent the day caring for me and making sure that my body was comfortable. Back then, we never realized that that one day was just the beginning to many, MANY days where Gage would take care of me.
Even through the pain, we managed to plan our wedding. Three weeks after our wedding, my husband got up with me at five in the morning to take me to the hospital to have Spinal Fusion Surgery. On the first night of the hospital, there wasn’t an open bed in which Gage could sleep, so he found an open area on the floor in the lobby, placed a sweatshirt under his head and curled up with the vending machine illuminating the room. He refused to leave me.
We were told that I would be 100% recovered in eight weeks. As described in my Blog Summary, it has been 15 months (60 weeks) and I am still waiting for the recovery that I was promised. My hero, my husband, has never once blamed me, blamed the surgeons or wished regret for marrying a “broken” woman whom he would have to care for possibly for the rest of his life. Instead, he told me that he will always love me, always care for me and always be there for me – through sickness or health.
A few weeks ago, when reality hit me that my PT Boot Camp was my job for the next year of my life, I suddenly felt completely isolated. I came from being a Resource Teacher, where I was part of something Big; I was a part of a Team; I was surrounded by students, co-workers (and dear friends), parents and administrators – and I went to being a One-Woman Recovery Zone. Even though I see Nancy, Maureen, Dr. Julie, Mark and others every day, I am the patient and they are the professional. Even though I have cried to each of them, laughed with each of them, shared stories, even sympathy, with several of them – they are not my colleagues.
Upon this realization, Gage helped me grasp the idea that instead of referring to PT Boot Camp as my “job” – he told me to think of it as my Education. My Team Members are my Teachers and I, obviously, am the student. This philosophy has helped me separate the idea that I had co-workers and re-focus on the idea that this is my year to LEARN – about my body, about my healing and about how to turn my disability into just a part of my life, not to make it my identity.
Being the wonderful teacher that he is, Gage decided that I needed an Incentive Plan. When a Teacher has a student who struggles with motivation, there are many ways to reach that student, but the most effective approach is to: first, conduct an Inventory Assessment (what motivates the student?), then turn that information into a Plan where the Student is in control of her motivation, her actions and her rewards.
Last night, on our daily walk, Gage spent the entire walk determining what motivates me. When we got home, he hopped on his computer and created a Motivation Menu for me. He determined that my Motivation to attend each appointment would be helped by a Positive Incentive Program:
After 12 appointments, I can (pick one):
• Get a new song off of iTunes
• Pick out the movie (even a chick-flick)
• Download a new Kindle book
• Celebrate with Starbucks
• Enjoy an extra-long Back Rub
After 18 appointments, I can:
• Have a Free Day (have a day FREE of Pain Logs, Exercises, Appointments, Calorie Counting, etc.) Everyone deserves at least one day off a month, right?!?!
After 24 appointments (About 1 month of PT Boot Camp), I can (pick one):
• Enjoy a Manicure
• Relax with a Pedicure
• Shop for “something new” to fit my “new” body.
Not only did Gage spend his evening creating this amazing Motivation Menu (a "visual" in teacher-talk), every time I asked him, “Are you sure that this is okay?” or “Are you sure that I deserve these rewards?” or “If you tell me that I just need to suck-it-up and find my motivation internally, I will,” he INSISTED that since I did not have a colleague or even other “students” during this next year, HE would be my partner, my motivator, my colleague, my study-partner and he will be there by my side through it all. Our pastor recently told us, “Stephanie and Gage, you are one. If Stephanie is disabled, you, Gage, are disabled. When she hurts, you hurt.” I did not consider that Gage would take this declaration so literally and become my greatest motivation of all, but he did!
Last night, I realized that I need to change my mind about how I view this next year. I can be the student instead of the Teacher. I can make each of my appointments. I can continue on this path to healing. But most importantly, I have a husband who is my partner, my Team-Mate, my confidant, my inspiration and my HERO!
