Our Soundtrack

“Music is what feelings sound like,” (Unknown).

They say that scent is one of the strongest human ties to memories. While I do not deny this, I also believe that everyone’s life has her own soundtrack to take her down memory lane…

This blog is dedicated to two very special people in my life, my friends Stephanie and Melissa. I have known them for years. I have created millions of memories with each of them. My friendships with each of these leading ladies have soundtracks of their own…

I met Steph when I was 18 years old and a Freshman in college at Mizzou. Soon, she became my friend, then my best friend, then my roommate; now, she is a part of my family…

Steph and I filled our days (and years) with many activities; however, when I think of my College Days with Steph, my fondest memories are of Steph and I on the dance floor. We went out dancing at least 4 nights each week. One night, we’d go to a Reggae Club, the next night it was Techno, the following night we were swaying to a Jam Band and the next night we were jiving to Hip-Hop.

Stephanie’s (now) husband (then) worked for a place called the Blue Note, which was a popular Club in Columbia, MO for both concerts and dance parties. Steph and I practically lived there for the four years I was in college. We literally danced the night away…

When I first heard Katy Perry’s song, “Fireworks” I thought of Steph. This was the type of song that would drive Steph and I to the dance floor. This was the type of song that we would make us jump up and down, kick out our feet, throw our hands into the air and shake the hair out of our ponytails.

“Fireworks” by Katy Perry

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting through the wind
Wanting to start again

Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards
One blow from caving in

Do you ever feel already buried deep
Six feet under scream
But no one seems to hear a thing

Do you know that there's still a chance for you
Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gunna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own

You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow
And when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe-awe-awe"

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it through

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe-awe-awe

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

This weekend, Gage and I were driving home from running errands and “Fireworks” came on the radio. I was exhausted and felt defeated. We only went to two stores; we were out-and-about less than two hours, yet my body screamed from pain.

When this song came on the radio my eyes filled with tears. Will I ever be able to dance with Steph like that again?

When I got home, I got on my computer. My friend, Melissa, had recently sent me a touching email in which she actually had written ME a song.

Has anyone ever written a song especially for you? It’s the most honoring, magical experience and gift that someone could give to another person!

I have known Melissa for five years. In that time, she and I have done everything from girlie-spa days to kickboxing classes to leading our own Women’s Group at church. Like with Stephanie, Melissa and I started out as friends; now she is family…

I often call both Stephanie and Melissa when I am feeling desperate and overwhelmed with emotions regarding my pain and my circumstances. Last week, Melissa wrote me this song:

(VS. 1) Why you?
Why now?
There's just too much at stake

Cry it loud
Cry it hard
But don't cry alone, you're not alone

(CH.) I know it's rough
I know there's pain
I know you've come so far

Try to look up
Try to look out
You're not alone in this

(VS. 2) Just relax
Take is slow
You've worked so hard to get here

Just refrain
Take some time
Child, You know I'll be here by your side, by your side

(Refrain) I know You're the start
I know You're the end
I know You're the start
I know You're the end
And I know You're here, You are here with me.....

Then, Melissa wrote,
“Now read it again, but think of it like this:
The first verse is me talking to you. The first chorus is also me talking to you.
The second verse is God talking to you. The second chorus is God talking to you this time.
The refrain is you talking to God. :O)”

I, of course, cried when I read this – how could my dear friend know my heart so?

Then I realized that those who know me truly know both me and my physical situation. They are my Prayer Warriors; they are those who call every week to check-in on me, they understand when Gage and I have to say “no” to an invitation, they offer me their chairs when they find me standing, they open the door for me, they are those who carry my bags up or down a flight of stairs, those who listen to me when I am in despair, those who protect me from physical harm and they hug me when I cry…

Those of you who know me, know my heart. You know me beyond my job, my husband, my circumstance and my pain; and I am so thankful for each and every one of you.

Friends (and Family) like Steph and Melissa have made great efforts to adapt to my new, limited life. Instead of dancing and kickboxing, we paint our nails and have girl-talk over coffee; instead of going on road trips, we have phone-dates; instead of nights on the town, we have game-nights at home; instead of spending the day shopping, we spend the day at my doctor’s office. Friends like Steph and Melissa don’t just dance with me, they sit by my side and sing along…

Thank you for the song…