An Unfinished Work…

I have been down this road before… many a times, actually. I like to think that God has a “flare for the dramatic,” and as cliché as that sounds, it is the honest truth behind this thought. I have been the girl to hit rock bottom and then, through trial and tribulation, found myself looking down, years later, from a breathtaking view upon a mountain top… I have been the poster child and I have been the instigator, and each time I have been surprised by what God “really” had in store for me—and then I became a true believer in the verse, “A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps,” (Proverbs 16:9)


* * * *

My journey towards teaching had been long and grueling. In my last year at college (The University of Missouri-Columbia, aka “Mizzou”), I discovered my true passion. Unfortunately, it was in something other than my major of Communications/Marketing/Management. I had accepted a job as a substitute teacher for Columbia Public Schools while I attended Mizzou and, consequentially, discovered that I had an unmistakable enthusiasm for students and learning. Even though I had spent four years working to become the next-big Advertising Executive, I began looking more forward to the days I spent in the classroom than the internships I held at the Columbia radio station or hours I spent preparing for Marketing pitches.

After I graduated from Mizzou, due to my ability to flexibly work with a multitude of teachers and students, I was offered a Teacher’s Assistant position with the CPS in a Summer School Special Education classroom. Once summer school ended, I, regrettably, moved back to St. Louis; however, within months from graduation I moved back in with my parents, signed up for Teacher’s Education classes at The University of Missouri-Saint Louis (aka “UMSL”) and began the journey towards my God-given destiny: Special Education.

When I started taking classes at UMSL, I was told that I could earn a Teaching Certification for Special Education in a little over a year. However, as I completed each course, I suddenly realized that the Program Completion list grew longer and longer. I talked to the Dean of Education regarding the matter and learned that, even though I had started my Program before UMSL had made its changes to the Certification Syllabus, I was not grand-fathered into my pre-existing commitment. I learned that I a year-long internship had been added to the Program. Despite its deterrence, I agreed to continue with my Plan. As I dove deeper into the Program, I also discovered that if I agreed to take two additional classes over the summer, I would earn a second Bachelor’s Degree. Being that I never did anything half-way, I stayed with the Program; I completed all of the courses, I earned straight A’s and I decided that the second Degree, along with a second Teaching Certification (one in Special Education and another in Elementary Education) was my new mission.

During the first two years that I spent at UMSL, I worked full-time at a bank while taking full-time classes at night. However, as I entered the final year of my teaching degree, I was one of the few, fortunate college students who was hired by a school district and could spend all of those “required” Student-Teaching hours in the classroom, earning a paycheck while earning my degree. I was a teacher’s assistant at a Ferguson-Florissant elementary school and I could whole-heartedly say that I loved my job! Nonetheless, as I finished my final projects, completed my portfolio and waited patiently for graduation, I began the quest for a “real” teaching position.

During the last month of the school year, my supervising teacher, Christy, became engaged—to a man who lived in Ohio. She informed me that she would not be returning to school the following year and that she had already discussed the situation with her superior. She then told me that the (teaching) position was mine if I were interested. “Yes!” I exclaimed. Unfortunately, almost as soon as the words escaped my lips she decided to stay in St. Louis for the year leading up to her wedding; hence, she would be keeping her job. I could; however, remain her assistant for an additional year, then accept her position the following school year.

During that same month, I incidentally had to have surgery on my foot for an injury that I endured while running. I began to weigh my options:

I could keep my job as an assistant and continue to have health insurance as I healed from the surgery...

I could find a teaching job within Special School District (SSD) and my insurance benefits would transfer with me...

Or, I could apply for a teaching position outside of the district and go without insurance for 90 days…

I kept all options open and prayed that God would lead me to my fate.

Weeks passed, then months, and before long I had been on several interviews but I had not accepted nor received any “worthwhile” teaching positions. I was panicked! Summer was coming to an end and Christy wanted to know my intentions for the upcoming school year. Having worked for the district for several years, she knew that it was very likely I would receive a job offer after the school year began—which would leave her without an assistant. A highly-qualified candidate (who had a Master’s Degree in teaching) was interested in my assistant-position, yet was not eligible until I resigned, and would not be available if I waited to resign after the school year started because she was also wanted at several schools. It was quickly becoming decision-time, yet I did not have a solution—or even a compromise for the situation!

I had been in contact with the Human Resources department for SSD and explained my case to the Director of HR. She advised me to keep my assistant position—for the health insurance—and to quit when they could match me with an appropriate teaching position, even if that meant quitting my job as an assistant after the school year began. She did not seem to care that I would be leaving Christy – the woman who taught me everything she new about teaching, sacrificed personal time to help me with my college assignments and mentored me throughout the entire past year – in a compromised position if I committed to a year as her assistant, knowing that I would leave as soon as I found my “bigger and better” teaching job.

On Tuesday, I was informed that I had to make my decision by Friday. On Friday I hand-delivered my letter of resignation to the HR Director. Without opening the envelope, she said, “Stephanie, I cannot believe that you made this decision.” I remained silent. “Do you have a minute?” She asked me. “Yes,” I said. “Can you wait out in the hall while I make a phone call?” I nodded. As I sat on the uncomfortable chair just outside her office I had no idea what this woman was thinking. “Stephanie, you can come in,” she called to me from behind her desk. “I called an Area Coordinator in the Webster Groves School District and left her a message to call you for an interview. Hopefully she hasn’t filled the position.” I thanked her for making the phone call and began to make my exit when the director of Human Resources said to me, “And Stephanie,” I turned to face her, “I really admire your decision.”

I then knew that my career was out of my hands, so I graciously handed it over to God. “Lord, you put this passion for teaching inside of me. You inspired and willed me to go back to college for another three years—earning two Teaching Certifications and even working at the Ferguson-Florissant Elementary school. I know that this is Your Will, and I know that You will not leave anything un-finished that You have started. God, I give this entire situation to you….”

The next morning, on a Saturday, I received a phone call from the Webster Groves Area Coordinator. “Can you come in for an interview on Monday?” she asked me. “Yes,” I said immediately, not even asking when or where the interview was to be held.

After the interview, I could not contain myself; I wanted the position so badly! Bristol Elementary School needed a Special Education Resource Teacher. I knew that Webster Groves was a coveted school district for one to be employed. I also knew that a Resource Teacher position was one in which a teacher usually had to “due her time” in other, more “challenging” classrooms to earn. I also knew that the odds were against me, being a first-year teacher far from the South County area. However, my car had not yet reached the highway after leaving Bristol when the Area Coordinator called my cell phone and asked me if I would accept the position. “Yes!” I practically screamed into the phone.

Two days later, God blessed me with a second phone call—this one from the HR Director. “Stephanie, I am shredding your letter of resignation. Since you accepted the Resource Teaching position I am going to put you into the system as a transfer,” she paused as I began realizing what she was saying, “This means that you do not lose any insurance benefits.”

I knew that God had honored my decision to stand up for what is right for ALL, not just myself; and, because of that, He had not only delivered me my dream job, He had provided care for my body as it continued to heal from foot surgery.

* * * *

I began my first degree of study at the University of Missouri-Columbia (MU) in 1998. In 2002, I graduated with a BA in Communications – Marketing, Management and Public Relations. I studied everything from gender differences in Communications to advertising and business management. As much as I loved the field of Communications, the Lord had a different plan for me.

During my senior year at MU, I was presented with an opportunity to be a substitute teacher for Columbia Public Schools. From the first day I stepped foot into a classroom, God spoke to my heart and told me, “This is where you belong.” Even though I knew that my destiny would quickly change, I finished my degree at MU. Six months after graduation, I began my pursuit to become a teacher at the University of Missouri-St. Louis.

While in Columbia, I was introduced to Special Education. At first, I refused to accept any positions in a Special Education classroom. I said “no” out of fear. However, God quickly reminded me that I have nothing to fear in Him; then He made it impossible for me to refuse any longer. After my first day in a Special Education classroom, I knew that God gave me the heart to serve children with disabilities.

I received a Bachelor’s Degree in Special Education in 2006 (along with certification in both Special Education grades K-12 and General Education grades 1-6th). God honored my faithfulness to return to school by blessing me with a position within Special School District as a Resource Teacher in one of the top 10 districts in St. Louis, where I have been working ever since.


* * * *

I was living my dream... However, after this past Spring Break, the Break that ended up turning into a nightmare instead of a vacation, my doctors decided that I needed to take some time off of work. Because my Intermittent, Short-Term Disability is due to run out at the end of May, the Human Resource’s Department advised me to pursue Long Term Disability. When I first had this discussion, rather, when I first asked my doctor if I should look into LTD, without blinking her eyes, she said, “Yes.” However, I could not accept her answer that easily. Gage and I made an appointment with his family’s Primary Care Physician. After reviewing my medical records and personal history, he, too, without hesitation told me to apply for LTD. As if those two confirmations were not enough, I went on to ask my Physical Therapist and my Pain Management Specialist their opinions. “Yes” and “Yes” they said. A week later, Gage and I began the paperwork for approval for Long Term Disability.

I have learned that LTD takes around 45 business days to finalize its approval. Because I had started the process during the last week of March, I was hoping that I could be one of the “lucky ones” to learn of my approval sooner; however, after a phone call to the company last week, and learning that I had weeks of waiting, I decided to call my Human Resources Department again. Because they had already been helping me complete paperwork for Short-Term Disability throughout this entire year, they were eager to help me with the LTD process. The only problem was; however, that I could not officially receive a Leave-of-Absence from SSD until July, 30 days before the start of the school year. This upset me, because I wanted to display the courtesy to my colleagues, my Team and my friends that there is a great likelihood that I will not return to my teaching position for this next school year.

Finally, this week, I informed my school building that I am awaiting approval for LTD and will, realistically, not return in the Fall.

* * * *

I admit, this change-of-events has definitely shaken me; for I thought that when God called me to be a Teacher, He meant for me to do this for the rest of my life… However, I am reminded that He has not failed me; God did not let me pacify my life with a passion-less career; He did not let me mollify my marriage with a mediocre husband; He will not disable my body without a hope and a way for healing… I just pray that this “break” – this Long Term Disability – is His Way towards my miracle…

The Checklist

Every girl has her checklists…

What do I want to do before I turn 30? (I mean… 40?)
What do I want in a husband?
What do I need to have the perfect home?
What do I need from the grocery store today?

Some checklists are thrown out the window the minute the bags are in the back of the trunk; others are coveted Rules for Life.

Before I had met Gage, I had created my very own Husband Checklist. I had kissed enough frogs to know what I did NOT want in a “Mister” and could come up with quite a catalog of must-haves before I would ever become a “Misses.” Most importantly, I knew that I would not marry a man unless he was a Christian. I believed in the Bible – and I did not want to live a life where I was “unequally yoked” with a man (2 Corinthians 6:14). Marrying a believer was a Non-Negotiable on my register; however, as the saying goes, “We plan, God laughs,” (unknown).

I met Gage in October of 2007 – about two years after I finalized my List. We both lived in the same apartment complex and, before I knew it, I suddenly had a new work-out buddy. Gage’s apartment was directly across the street from the gym/laundry-mat where we first met. There I was, peddling away on the stationary bike, “sweatpants and no make-up on” (Drake) when a young-looking man with bright blue eyes, baggy clothes and a side-tilted hat started a conversation with me about the book in my hands. That day, I learned that Gage was a teacher, also loved to read and lived only a few buildings down from where I lived.

For months, it so “happened” that every time I went to the gym, Gage was there a few minutes afterwards. We’d banter back and forth – he even taught me how to use a few of the machines, but he NEVER asked me out. After a while, I stopped wondering “when” Gage would ask me out; then after a little while longer, I stopped asking “why” Gage wasn’t asking me out. Gage became just a “guy” at the gym and soon he stopped filling my mind with questions all together.

The following June, I, again, was at the gym when Gage walked through the doors. He walked straight up to me and we began chatting. The small-talk ran thin and I excused myself to go into the laundry room. I was leaving the next day for a trip to the beach and I had a lot of clothes to wash and bags to pack. After switching a load of laundry, I returned to the (connected) gym. As soon as Gage saw me, he ran over and started talking to me again. As before, the conversation died and I made my way back to the laundry room to finish for the day. While folding my whites, Gage, unexpectedly, appeared.

“I meant to ask you,” he began and I suddenly realized that he was nervous, “have you read any good books lately?” His question seemed random, yet I answered anyways. “Actually, no,” I said, “I am leaving tomorrow to go on vacation and I don’t have a good book to read. Do you have any recommendations?” Gage’s face fell and I couldn’t understand the change in his demeanor; yet he responded with a list of his favorite authors and titles anyways. He was quiet for several seconds before he finally asked, “Are you going on vacation by yourself?” (What girl goes on vacation alone?)

“No,” I responded, “I am going with about twenty members of my family.” Gage’s face lit up like a Christmas Tree. “I have a book you can borrow!” he exclaimed. Gage asked if I’d mind waiting while he (literally) ran to his apartment to retrieve the book. He appeared two minutes later and handed me a paperback. I thanked him and asked Gage how I could get a hold of him to return the book once I was finished reading it.

“I’m actually moving this week,” Gage said. “Really?” I asked, confused and surprised, “Where are you going?” “I bought a house in Kirkwood,” he explained. I learned that he wasn’t just moving “this week” – Gage was moving the very next day.

I hesitated, “Um… So how would you like to get your book back?” I asked. Gage’s face turned red and he looked down at his feet. “I, uh,” he began, “I think that my card is in the book.” He directed me.

I laughed, “Oh really…” I teased, “Why would it be there?” I could not help but confront his attempt at slyness. “I must have used it as a bookmark when I last read it,” he stammered as he explained the card.” I flipped through the book.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t see it,” I said. Gage took the book from my hands and flipped the page open directly to his card. “Here it is,” he said, then blushed. I couldn’t help but laugh. Was he finally flirting with me after all this time?

“Okay…” I said, “I’ll get a hold of you when I finish the book.” “That would be great!” he beamed, “We could have a Book Talk.” A book talk – what is with this guy?

When I returned from my vacation about two weeks later, finished book in bag, I found Gage’s card and emailed him (I don’t call guys). He emailed me back and asked me if I was still interested in meeting up for a Book-Talk. I agreed, assuming that if Gage wanted to go on a date with me, he would ask me on a date. Instead, he asked me on a Book-Talk…

Over pizza and lemonade, I handed the book back to Gage and he quickly tucked it away; we didn’t discuss the book throughout the entire dinner. He did, however, ask me what I was doing to fill my summer days, being a teacher and not having to work. I explained to Gage that I was asked by my pastor to lead a Women’s Group at my church. It was the first group I had ever led at a church, and so I spent several hours each week preparing the material and then I met with the group once each week. Gage was extremely interested in not only the group that I led, but my church as well. However, I learned that Gage did not attend church and was not a Christian.

After the plates were cleared and the left-overs were boxed, Gage walked me to my car. “You should call me and we can do this again some time,” he said. Being coy, I responded, “I don’t have your phone number.” “Yes you do,” he retorted, “It’s on the card I gave you.” “Oh, I thought that was your bookmark!” I teased, “The card is still in the book. I didn’t want you to loose your page.” I winked. Gage laughed and shook his head, knowing that I was calling his bluff. He opened the book, retrieved the card and handed it to me. “Will you call me sometime?” he asked. “No,” I said. “But, you can call me.” That was our first Non-Date. A week later, he picked me up for our first Official Date.

Gage and I dated for weeks, and with each date, I discovered that he met more and more of the criteria for my Checklist. He was handsome; he was educated; he was a gentleman; he was funny; he treated me as a princess; he was wonderful; however, I couldn’t change the fact that Gage was not a Christian. After dating casually for a little over one month, Gage brought up my Church with great curiosity. “Would you like to go with me sometime?” I asked. “Yes!” he responded, “Can I go tomorrow?” Every Saturday evening or Sunday morning that followed, Gage accompanied me to church; however, he still was not a Christian… and I still refused to get into a serious relationship with him because of that.

After attending Church with me for almost a month, Gage and I met a young couple who sat behind us one Saturday evening. To this day, neither Gage nor I remember their names, nor did we see them again; however, I believe that they changed our lives.

We met this duo during the meet-and-greet at the beginning of the service. At end, as we politely said our good-byes to the young man and his girlfriend, she handed Gage a piece of paper. “God spoke to me about you today and I wanted you to have this,” she said.

The note to Gage read:

Gage, God is going to move through you like no other because of your heart. Don’t ever give up on your vision. The Lord is giving you the heart of David, “the man after God’s own heart,” (Psalm 27:4). The Lord wants to give you this heart, to make you a man of “one thing.”

On the other side of the paper, she wrote:

Stephanie, the Lord is going to make you an Elizabeth, bringing forth a promised thing that others thought impossible. His promises to you are true and will happen, even if they seem delayed (Luke 1).
Remember when God healed your wounds and your heart? He is going to use that healed body of yours and you will impact many.

Gage did not know how to respond to the Prophesy; however, he wanted to live up to everything written on that paper. He just didn’t know how…

Two weeks later, Gage asked me if I would be “his girlfriend.” Everything in my heart told me to say “Yes!” to Gage, but I hesitated. I had not been in a serious relationship with a man for over a year, because I was waiting for The One – the guy who met all of my criteria – and I had told myself (prior to Gage), that I would rather be single for the rest of my life than to “settle’ for someone who did not meet all of the Non-Negotiables on my Checklist. However, when I was with Gage, I felt peace on my heart. I felt that God was moving in both my life and in Gage’s. Finally, I told Gage, “Yes, I will be your girlfriend,” with not only the faith that God would protect my heart, but that Gage would as well.

Another two weeks passed and, while at a special service at Church, Gage gave himself to God and became a Christian. When Gage did this, he did not know about my Checklist; he did not know about my hesitancy to give him my heart; he did not know that the one thing keeping me from getting to close to him was my closeness and promises to God – but God knew these things.

A year and a half later, on our wedding day, my sister stood by my side as my matron-of-honor and gave this toast:

The Toast
Given by Bonnie Rowan

On behalf of Stephanie & Gage, I just want to thank you for coming tonight. For anyone who does not know me, I am Stephanie's younger sister, Bonnie. Now, I may be the younger sister but I didn't always act like it. I've been known to be very protective towards Steph & her past boyfriends. I was known for giving the third-degree & the evil eye quite a bit. I realized early into Steph & Gage's relationship that I never acted this way towards Gage. At first, I thought maybe it was because I was "growing up" & shouldn't act that way. But then I realized that I didn't need to act that way with Gage. I trusted Gage from the moment I met him. I knew he had my sister's best interest at heart & I no longer had to "look out" for my Big Sis. When I realized this, I called Stephanie & I told her, "Steph! I know why you & Gage are meant for each other, but I am not going to tell you yet." Of course, Stephanie tried to get it out of me, so I told her I would save it for their wedding day…

So this is it Steph! I knew Gage's heart was in the right place from day one; so now he can do the honor of being the person to protect you, since I don’t have to do it anymore.

But, that’s not it! Through the years, Stephanie acquired quite a list of qualities her future husband needed. She would tell me things off the list from time to time & I would think in the back of my head, “You’re being too picky; you will never find a guy to fit all of your wishes. Get real Steph!” Well, Gage, I was wrong. You do things for my sister that far exceed her wish list. I just want to thank you for being her Prince Charming. You are everything she has ever wanted in a husband and more.

Watching you guys over the past two years, I’ve seen how you bring out the best in each other. You put the other person’s needs first & you make each other very happy. I am honored to call Gage my brother-in-law & I wish you both a lifetime of happiness.

Earlier this week, Gage and I found the piece of paper that the Mystery Couple gave to us that one random night at church…

The ironic thing about that paper is that I forgot that there was a message written to ME – all I remembered was that a young woman handed Gage a piece of paper that, to me, was one of the first steps that led Gage towards God… and then towards the aisle that led him to being my husband.

When I re-read the special words that were specifically to me, my eyes filled with tears. That note was written almost three years ago! How did she know that my body would face such challenges? How did she know that one day, I would need to be healed? How did she know that there would be desires upon my heart that, to some (including myself) often seem impossible and entirely out of reach?

The past few weeks have been extremely difficult on my body. Since Spring Break, each day that I drove to work, tears streamed down my cheeks because of the intense pain that I was already feeling at seven o’clock in the morning. I realized that I had physically and finally reached my ultimate limit; the only things getting me through the day were: the people at work who were lending me their strength, my husband who prayed over me every morning on my drive to the school, the physical therapist who kneaded the knots out of my body every afternoon after work and the countdown to Summer Break.

I admit, I have a hidden Checklist of all of the things I want to do once my body is healed. Among it, I want to have lots and lots of babies; I want to take care of my husband the way he has taken care of me these past two years; I want to twirl my niece in the air and give my nephews a piggy-back ride; I want to walk my dog; I want to run and run and run…

For now, I wait… Just as I waited for God to bring me my husband, I wait for God to bring me my healing… And, just as the Mystery Woman wrote,

Stephanie, the Lord is going to make you an Elizabeth, bringing forth a promised thing that others thought impossible. His promises to you are true and will happen, even if they seem delayed (Luke 1).
Remember when God healed your wounds and your heart? He is going to use that healed body of yours and you will impact many.

I wait to be the living example that not only do good things come to those who wait, but if I “wait on the Lord and be of good courage, He will strengthen my heart,” (Psalm 27:14).

Please pray with me that I can make it until Summer Break and that God will grant me my healing…