Wednesday, March 23, 2011

You Can't Take a Break from Pain







Spring Break…. Ah…. The perks of being a teacher!

On the first official day of my Spring Break (last Saturday), I was well enough to go to a Trivia Night honoring one of my dearest friend’s, Danielle, brother who is undergoing treatment for cancer. Even though the reason for the event was dismal, Danielle’s brother is doing very well and the event was a FUN fundraiser that raised Danielle’s family a lot of money to use towards medical expenses and her brother’s healing.

This was actually the first night OUT of the house for something other than a holiday or family event for Gage and I to attend with a group of people since before I had my surgery last JUNE. That in itself was a BIG deal and I was walking on air! I was so excited to get out of the house, to mingle, to laugh, to play…

The evening went very well! Danielle and her mother brought in a special chair (with a full back and arm rests) to support my back, they arranged our table to be near a wall as to protect me from people bumping into my chair, and they made sure we were close enough to all of the activities so I that wouldn’t have to do much walking. With all of the special treatment, I almost felt as if the event were held just for me!

The next day, Gage and I had a well-deserved lazy morning, followed by a peaceful afternoon taking a drive down River Des Peres; we listened to a new cd in which we had bought and sung like crazy teenagers at the top of our lungs. That evening, Gage grilled in the backyard while I chatted with him from the back porch. Life was good…

THEN REALITY SET IN: I started my Monday morning with an appointment to see Dr. C., my Pain Management Specialist. The Medical Team and I agreed that I needed a real BREAK, so instead of attending the FOUR appointments that were originally scheduled during my Spring Break, they decided that I would see Dr. C one time for pain management and that my lovely husband would be my personal physical therapist every night to help me through the rest of the week.

I arrived at the office with my list of questions for Dr. C and he helped me through each and every one. Thankfully, it was decided that since Dr. C works within my Medical Team, he should take over ALL of my medications (rather than still have me consult with The Surgeon and my previous Pain Management Specialist whose new office is an hour away). In doing so, Dr. C narrowed the list from SEVEN prescriptions to only three. Thinking outside-the-box (as this Team so often does), Dr. C also explained the benefits of trying a pain-reliever patch (as opposed to taking multiple short-acting pills throughout the day). He also agreed with Dr. Julie and prescribed me a sleeping pill. Lastly, Dr. Julie helped me find a supplement called 5-HTP (that I could buy at any Health Store) to address my low levels of Serotonin and Dr. C gave me a cortisone shot to help the inflammation in my hip (the source of the Nighttime Pain Monster).

THE SHOT HEARD AROUND SOUTH CITY – DAY ONE: When I first left Dr. C’s office, I felt relieved. We had a plan for my medications. We had an attack on the sleep-burglar, a supplement for my serotonin and a shot for my horrific hip…

I went straight to the pharmacy to drop off the new scripts, then tried running to the nearby Target to pick up a few items for my beloved. I had barely made it to the revolving doors before noticing that the more pressure I placed on my left leg, the more pain I felt. Knowing that cortisone shots can often have painful side-effects, I was not surprised by the discomfort. The last time I had received a cortisone shot, I felt as if someone had punched me in my back from the inside out and I was just waiting for the purple-green bruises to surface. This time; however, within fifteen minutes I felt that same pain times fifty-thousand.

I was home within the thirty minutes and by the time Gage came home three hours later I could not even walk from the couch to the door five feet away to greet him. As the hours passed, the pain intensified. Soon, I could not even move my leg on my own, let alone move around the house.

I contacted Dr. Julie in a panic. She explained that, unfortunately, what I was experiencing what was commonly called a steroid flush. This type of reaction to the cortisone is very painful and lasts, on average, 72 hours. When I found this out, I was in Hour 20. Fifty-Two more to go…

Gage and I decided that, due to my condition, I could not be left alone, so he took Tuesday off of work to stay home with me. On Monday evening, the pain had gotten so bad I could not even move my left foot without either crying or screaming. Gage did everything that he could to make me as comfortable as possible, but even that wasn’t enough. Finally, I took my new-prescription sleeping pill and went to bed praying for a better day.

DAY TWO: Thankfully, Tuesday morning, I awoke able to move my leg; however, I was still unable to walk without assistance. Another “Thankfully” – my husband was by my side.

My hip improved as the hours passed (as promised); however, the pain was still extreme. Around three in the afternoon, the pharmacy called to tell me that my pain-patch was ready for pick up. Dr. C explained that, because I have chronic pain (aka: pain that NEVER stops), the patch may be my best option; the directions were to wear it for seven days, and replace it four times each month. Dr. C directed me that the patch “should” take 12 hours to get into my system. Lucky for me, I felt its effects within two hours. Unfortunately, however, I reacted to the patch as I did to every new medication – SEVERLY.

The purpose of the patch is to release pain-managing medication every hour into my body. The common side effects included: headache, nausea, dizziness/light-headedness, drowsiness, etc. Unfortunately, I endured ALL of them – at the same time. The patch also came with the traditional warning NOT to drive a car or operate heavy machinery until I knew how I would react to the medication. Thank goodness I waited to see my reaction before getting behind our tractor, because, as my Spring Break preceded me, the day that had started to get better with a decrease in my hip-pain suddenly spiraled out of control again.

For hours, Gage helped me battle the side-effects of the patch. I was instructed NOT to take the patch off; rather, to let my body get used to the medication as it was intended. With a wash-cloth on my forehead, Sprite being the only thing I was able to get down my throat, a bucket in my lap (not for popcorn), and manic bouts of hysterical laughter and simultaneous heart-breaking, frightened tears, I managed through the night.

DAY THREE/TODAY: I awoke feeling a thousand times better, yet still healing and still adapting. Even after taking my new sleeping pill the night before, I got up when Gage did for work at 6:30 am. My biggest battle became my throbbing headache. I was able to walk, but not for long distances (as in from the couch to the kitchen), so to avoid the walking, I avoided drinking and eating until Gage got home from work (he had taken a half-day to help care for me).

AND NOW… As the day now turns into the evening, I can walk the distance of my house without assistance, I can move my left leg independently, my appetite is returning, the hysterics have vanished and my overall pain is being managed mostly by the patch that Gage practically had to tie my hands behind my back last night to keep me from ripping it off of my body…

I pray that as my Spring Break closes in on its mid-way point, I can be blessed with at least a few days of fun – or at least a few pain-free moments. Please pray this for me, too.

Chronic Pain - The Prognosis


THE PROGNOSIS: As the first two weeks of these symptoms crept by, I let my Medical Team know of my concerns. During that time, I had been seeing Nancy two times each week and her latest suggestion was to have Gage come in to the office (again) to learn more PT that he could do with me at home to help manage the pain on days when I did not have appointments. (This blessing would potentially decrease likely pain build-up, as well as save us the $30.00 co-pay for each visit!)

Gage was gracious enough to come with me – even though he was already on his Spring Break at that time and also desperately needed a “break” himself. The session went very well! Nancy is an amazing teacher and Gage is a fast learner, so we left there feeling confident – we still feel confident in fact – however, the pain still shows its ugly face every hour of every day…

Because I was primarily seeing Nancy for PT during those weeks, Dr. Julie was kind enough to contact me through her personal email account so that she was more accessible. I explained to Dr. Julie my problems with both sleeping and eating and let her know that I was at my absolute point of desperation. Dr. Julie began by explaining the correlation between chronic pain and sleep. She said, “Nancy and I did talk and you need to talk with Dr. C (my new Pain Management Specialist who is also in their office) about your sleep issues. Pain and sleep have a reciprocal relationship. That is, when you have increased frequency and intensity during the day, you will have poorer quality sleep that night and poor quality sleep can lead to increased pain during the day.”

Dr. Julie went on to tell me that she also thinks I have a depletion of serotonin due to my chronic pain. She explained that, “Often, early morning wakings can indicate decreased serotonin levels. Since serotonin is the neurotransmitter used by the internal pain management system AND the emotional brain, it can get mightily depleted in a person with chronic pain.” Furthermore, she stated that low serotonin levels also greatly affect a person’s appetite.

Official Prognoses: Hello, my name is Stephanie Dodson. I have Chronic Pain Disorder. I am sleep deprived. My serotonin levels and appetite are compromised. And, even though I have a brilliant group of medical professionals who are working around-the-clock to help me, I still do not know the absolute root of my pain; therefore, its treatment continues to be a guessing game...

IN OTHER NEWS - I GRADUATED! The good news was that Mark had decided that I “graduated” from Biofeedback Therapy. First, he established that I had the breathing, visualization, self-monitoring and relaxation techniques so well-practiced that I no longer required weekly sessions with him for those purposes. Then, he reaffirmed that Biofeedback Therapy, while productive in regards to any pain, is truly most beneficial when there are not “mechanical” issues that are deterring true treatment advances. Because I have a long list of non-treated mechanical issues, Mark felt it best for me to keep him as part of my Medical Team (seeing him every 4-6 weeks to check-in) and to focus on the physical aspect of my pain. Yes, Ladies and Gents, I am not crazy, I am not clinically depressed, and the pain is not psychological (as indicated to me once by The Surgeon) – I am a bonafide chronic pain patient with a “complicated and complex” case.

Chronic Pain - The Symptoms


My last several blogs have been (I’ll admit it) “sappy” ways for me to get out my own personal grief, as well as to show gratitude for those who have helped me this far along my journey. However, this entry will be an informative one, for if I’ve ever needed my Prayer Warriors, it’s now…

About three weeks ago, I began suffering severe side-effects of my condition. Officially, my new label has become a Chronic Pain Patient (also known as Stephanie Dodson). According to Pain Care Centers, “Chronic pain syndrome (CPS) is a term used to define patients with severe persistent pain from virtually any source which has resulted in marked changes in behavior, self-imposed restriction of daily activities, and heavy, largely ineffective use of the healthcare system. CPS overwhelms all other medical symptoms to the point of becoming the problem itself. It is often accompanied by bouts of irritability, uncontrolled anger, and depression,” (PainCare Centers, Inc., 2011). Additionally, “CPS has no specific cause but rather is the cumulative result of a combination of conditions including the one(s) causing pain. CPS is not fictitious or psychogenic pain but rather the body's psycho-physiologic response to chronic pain… CPS is managed best with a multidisciplinary approach as alluded to above; helping the patient return to a more normal life and accommodating to chronic pain. A lifelong program of graded exercise is a vital component of treatment management,” (2011).

Side Effects & Symptoms of Chronic Pain:

SLEEP DEPREVATION: The first symptom that caused me to worry (besides the never-ending pain in my body) was that I recently developed problems sleeping. Nightly (for the last two years), prior to bed and according to doctor’s orders, I took: 1 Tylenol PM, a prescribed Muscle Relaxer and pain medication – all just to fall asleep. Over the past few weeks, however, all of that medication was not enough. I found myself waking nightly anywhere from 1:00 am to 4:30 am in severe pain. While one would guess that I was woken by my back pain, this relentless pain rooted itself in my left hip. Don’t get me wrong, it often found its way across my low back, too, but the culprit itself over the past three weeks was (usually) my hip.

The problem with poor sleep is that there is not one simple solution. When I’d wake from pain each night, it wasn’t as simple as “just close your eyes and go back to bed.” Mark, my Biofeedback Therapist, taught me several relaxation techniques to try when the Pain Monster came out at night; sometimes they worked, sometimes they didn’t. Nancy, one of my PTs, also taught me various stretches that she thought could help; sometimes they did, sometimes they didn’t.

Gage, my poor husband, suffered just as much as I did. It’s hard to sleep when your wife is getting up every night, stretching, meditating, getting a drink of water, going to the rest room, making loud “relaxed” breathing sounds – or worse, crying, unable to get out of bed to get her heating pad, her ice pack, her medicine…

To get through the day, I’d try to compare my poor-sleep to several of my friends who have children – they went months, sometimes longer, on poor sleeping schedules and they still came to work, put on a happy face and lived their lives. However, Mark reminded me that even though my dear friends did not “have it easy,” they did not suffer from chronic pain ON TOP OF their lack-of-sleep.

While that was supposed to comfort me, it didn’t…

NAUSEA: The next symptom that I started experiencing was first an extremely decreased appetite, then nausea once I did force some sort of food into my stomach. I’ve battled this dilemma for over two years – since my back “went out” in July of 2009; however, never to this degree. In the past two years, I have lost 27 pounds.

As the weeks passed and the pounds dropped, I was often asked if I was “trying” to lose weight. People who were close to me knew that I was not. Others, at first, assumed that I was working hard to lose weight for my (then up-coming) wedding. Any woman will admit that it always feels nice when she steps on the scale and sees that she “lost a few,” however, when I had already lost so much weight that two months before the wedding, I not only had to alter, but I was told by the seamstress that I needed to BUY a new wedding dress AND STILL get it taken-in, I started to worry.

After the surgery, I lost even more weight. When I returned to work following both the wedding and the surgery, I had lost a total of about 20 lbs. Twenty pounds on a woman who was not considered “over weight” prior to the weight-loss is very noticeable. To some, I became the topic of conversation and it became embarrassing. Even the school counselor, a woman whom I consider a friend, asked me if I “needed help” (implying that I had developed an eating disorder). I politely explained that yes, I needed help; I needed to be healed.

Another five months went by and none of my clothes fit me anymore; however, I was “just waiting” for the weight to come back so I was in denial of the need to buy anything new to wear. There was a time when I was wearing pants 8-sizes too big for me because I was spending so much money on hospital bills, rehabilitation and prescriptions (not to mention the fact that I ran out of sick days and was not getting paid for the days that I needed off to recover or make those doctor appointments) that I could not afford to buy clothes that fit. Thankfully, my mom offered to take me shopping as part of my Christmas gift and I could at least start to wear pants that didn’t slip off of me when I didn’t wear a belt. Nonetheless, I was still losing weight…

Three weeks ago, it got worse. For the past two years, Gage threatened, “If you get below 100 lbs, we need to do something about it!” What that “something” was; however, neither of us was certain…

When the sleep deprivation began over two weeks ago, the nausea and lack-of-appetite went into full effect. For those two weeks, I couldn’t get above that 100-pound “goal.” At that time, the pain in my body was SO unbearable that knots filled my stomach, not food; and when I finally could eat, I immediately felt sick afterwards, deterring my desire to eat again later. As with the sleeping problems, everything regarding my body, it’s healing and it’s needs, turned into a vicious cycle.

STRESS: They say “it comes in threes” – it being misfortune, and it was happening to me. On top of the endless nights and the belly-aches, work had become a circus. Spring was in the air, then one random day in March, it snowed, followed by a record-breaking 82-degree-day later that same week; all just days prior to our school’s Spring Break.

Two days before Spring Break, my head was wrapped up with two students who were in what we call a “crisis.” That entire day, I literally dragged my limp hip up and down flight after flight of stairs, chasing students who dangerously eloped from their classrooms or were having temper-tantrums in the main hallways. These same two kiddos had been dealing with a lot over the past few weeks and, as their Case Manager, it was my job to take-over when such crises occur.

After being screamed at (literally) for over an hour, “I hate you!” by a student at the top of his lungs - a student with whom I normally have a wonderful relationship - I could not help the tears from creeping into in my eyes. I could not hear those words one more time! I couldn’t feel the tension in my muscles from the echoes of his screams for one more second. I couldn’t ward-off the looming migraine from the volume of his voice for one more round. “I need a time-out,” I told him (and my colleague who saw the tears swelling in my eyes) and I left the room. Thankfully, another teacher-and-Team Mate was standing outside of my door “on watch” so she and I switched places. After a couple of deep breaths and a few seconds of silence, I pulled myself together and was able to go back in and help my student “turn his day around.”

Even though I managed to help that little guy get through the stresses of first grade and field trips – I couldn’t help but feeling like a failure…

Sometimes, I cannot help but ask: Will it ever stop?

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Our Soundtrack
















“Music is what feelings sound like,” (Unknown).

They say that scent is one of the strongest human ties to memories. While I do not deny this, I also believe that everyone’s life has her own soundtrack to take her down memory lane…

This blog is dedicated to two very special people in my life, my friends Stephanie and Melissa. I have known them for years. I have created millions of memories with each of them. My friendships with each of these leading ladies have soundtracks of their own…

I met Steph when I was 18 years old and a Freshman in college at Mizzou. Soon, she became my friend, then my best friend, then my roommate; now, she is a part of my family…

Steph and I filled our days (and years) with many activities; however, when I think of my College Days with Steph, my fondest memories are of Steph and I on the dance floor. We went out dancing at least 4 nights each week. One night, we’d go to a Reggae Club, the next night it was Techno, the following night we were swaying to a Jam Band and the next night we were jiving to Hip-Hop.

Stephanie’s (now) husband (then) worked for a place called the Blue Note, which was a popular Club in Columbia, MO for both concerts and dance parties. Steph and I practically lived there for the four years I was in college. We literally danced the night away…

When I first heard Katy Perry’s song, “Fireworks” I thought of Steph. This was the type of song that would drive Steph and I to the dance floor. This was the type of song that we would make us jump up and down, kick out our feet, throw our hands into the air and shake the hair out of our ponytails.

“Fireworks” by Katy Perry

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting through the wind
Wanting to start again

Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards
One blow from caving in

Do you ever feel already buried deep
Six feet under scream
But no one seems to hear a thing

Do you know that there's still a chance for you
Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gunna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own

You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow
And when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe-awe-awe"

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it through

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe-awe-awe

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

This weekend, Gage and I were driving home from running errands and “Fireworks” came on the radio. I was exhausted and felt defeated. We only went to two stores; we were out-and-about less than two hours, yet my body screamed from pain.

When this song came on the radio my eyes filled with tears. Will I ever be able to dance with Steph like that again?

When I got home, I got on my computer. My friend, Melissa, had recently sent me a touching email in which she actually had written ME a song.

Has anyone ever written a song especially for you? It’s the most honoring, magical experience and gift that someone could give to another person!

I have known Melissa for five years. In that time, she and I have done everything from girlie-spa days to kickboxing classes to leading our own Women’s Group at church. Like with Stephanie, Melissa and I started out as friends; now she is family…

I often call both Stephanie and Melissa when I am feeling desperate and overwhelmed with emotions regarding my pain and my circumstances. Last week, Melissa wrote me this song:

(VS. 1) Why you?
Why now?
There's just too much at stake

Cry it loud
Cry it hard
But don't cry alone, you're not alone

(CH.) I know it's rough
I know there's pain
I know you've come so far

Try to look up
Try to look out
You're not alone in this

(VS. 2) Just relax
Take is slow
You've worked so hard to get here

Just refrain
Take some time
Child, You know I'll be here by your side, by your side

(Refrain) I know You're the start
I know You're the end
I know You're the start
I know You're the end
And I know You're here, You are here with me.....

Then, Melissa wrote,
“Now read it again, but think of it like this:
The first verse is me talking to you. The first chorus is also me talking to you.
The second verse is God talking to you. The second chorus is God talking to you this time.
The refrain is you talking to God. :O)”

I, of course, cried when I read this – how could my dear friend know my heart so?

Then I realized that those who know me truly know both me and my physical situation. They are my Prayer Warriors; they are those who call every week to check-in on me, they understand when Gage and I have to say “no” to an invitation, they offer me their chairs when they find me standing, they open the door for me, they are those who carry my bags up or down a flight of stairs, those who listen to me when I am in despair, those who protect me from physical harm and they hug me when I cry…

Those of you who know me, know my heart. You know me beyond my job, my husband, my circumstance and my pain; and I am so thankful for each and every one of you.

Friends (and Family) like Steph and Melissa have made great efforts to adapt to my new, limited life. Instead of dancing and kickboxing, we paint our nails and have girl-talk over coffee; instead of going on road trips, we have phone-dates; instead of nights on the town, we have game-nights at home; instead of spending the day shopping, we spend the day at my doctor’s office. Friends like Steph and Melissa don’t just dance with me, they sit by my side and sing along…

Thank you for the song…

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Someone Like Me... All Screwed Up


Yesterday, Dr. Julie said to me, “Steph, you are such a good writer, I wish that there was some way someone like you could share your story with others who are experiencing chronic pain.” I was very honored by Dr. Julie’s compliment, especially considering the fact that she has only seen my writing through regular medical emails.

When I got home from her physical therapy appointment yesterday, I opened my blog for the first time in weeks… Who is “someone like me?” She is a 30-year-old woman who has lost her youth. She is a person who lives with pain day and night, hour after hour, every second of every moment in her life. She has to say “no” to family, to friends, to parties, to baptisms, to the movies, to church, to helping others, to funerals, to after-school meetings, to going on dates with her husband, to traveling, to birthday parties, to even petting her dog if that dog happens to be lying on the floor lower than the degree she is allowed to bend forward… She used to be an athlete; she played soccer, softball, was on the swim team, voted co-captain of her cheerleading squad, took tennis lessons, joined a kickboxing class every week, did yoga and pilates daily, enjoyed gliding down Grant’s Trail on her bike, even trained to run a marathon… Someone like me wakes up every morning afraid of the day, knowing that even if she planned every second of that particular day, something unexpected could occur that would trigger a degree of pain that was unbearable and she wouldn’t know how to make that pain go away; not that it would matter, for the pain, no matter how intense or minute, never truly goes away…

Someone like me does not have blood coming out of her ears. Her bones are not wrapped in a cast. Her skin is not black-and-blue. She does not have tubes coming out of various places in her body. She sometimes doesn’t even walk with a limp…

Dr. Julie understands this. However, she said that if others-like-me had a voice, maybe people in their lives would understand the severity and daily burdens of someone like me who suffers from chronic pain…

It’s been a while since my last update… A LOT has happened, both in my personal and medical life… The last blog I wrote, I dedicated it to those friends and family members who have been there, by my side, through it all. Three days after I wrote that blog, one of those very important, wonderful, special people passed away unexpectedly. Since that tragic day, even though I know writing this blog is both therapeutic to me and informative to those who read it, I could not make myself sit down to write it. However, after talking to Dr. Julie yesterday, I realized that Someone-Like-Me needs to keep writing Something-Like-This….

Medically, the tornado has touched down again. While waiting for my operation report (aka, the “op report”) from The Surgeon’s office, I was able to sneak a few post-operation x-rays to Dr. Julie. Dr. Julie had been waiting for these x-rays because she had a hope and a theory and a plan to treat my pain. Upon reviewing the x-rays, however, even her hopes were shaken…

For weeks, Dr. Julie had been focusing my treatment on my hip alignment; however, she was concerned because she knew that The Surgeon added “extra” screws to my pelvis during the spinal fusion surgery. Dr. Julie was afraid that the screws were inserted into my iliac joint – according to the x-rays, her fears were confirmed. Because the screws are where they are, my body is extremely restricted. Dr. Julie said, “I don’t know how your surgeon ever thought that you could recover with these screws located where they are in your body! They are restricting your body to such a degree that it is reacting with severe, acute pain directed mostly to your hips – which are over-compensating for the restrictions in your back; however, the screws are also restricting your hips….”

Why did The Surgeon put those screws in those particular spots? We don’t know. I had to go through a very tedious process at Wash-U which involved contacting the Records Department, waiting for release forms, completing such forms, sending them back to the Record Department and now I have to wait 30-45 days to receive the op report, along with any additional information that we could get from The Surgeon that might shed some light onto the function of the screws.

My first reaction to the news of the screws was, “Do I have to have surgery again to get them removed?” This question TORTURED me. The pain that I experience every day is a paper-cut compared to the knife literally in my back and the pain that followed that excruciating surgery. Once I got home from the hospital, I recall begging Gage, “Please, don’t ever let me have surgery again; I couldn’t do it; I can’t do it again…”

Dr. Julie said that there are many risks to getting the screws removed. More importantly, she said that option is not going to be discussed until more information is discovered. Dr. Julie wants to wait for the op report; then she will consult with a Physiatrist regarding the physical impact of the screws. If, in the op report, Dr. Julie clearly sees a functional reason for the screws, then her Medical Team is going to do everything they can to “structurally create a dysfunctional way” to work with the screws and still provide treatment that will lesson the restrictions in my body and, with all hope, decrease my pain. If the op report does not clearly explain the function of the “extra” screws, then she said we would consult with several other medical doctors (including surgeons) to review the risks and benefits of keeping the screws in the back versus removing them.

And now I wait… I painfully wait… Dr. Julie cannot officially begin a specific Treatment Plan until we get the op report and she then runs the information by a series of professionals. So now, while I wait, Dr. Julie and her amazing staff of physical therapists, pain management specialists and Biofeedback therapists, receptionists and office manager try to help keep the pain at its least.

Someone like me, today, is all screwed up…