December 3rd - present
I am so inspired by the love that God has sent to me through each of you... I am beyond touched and I cannot possibly thank each and every one of you for your encouragement!
This is what YOU, my Prayer Warriors, said to me (if anyone needs me to delete something, please let me know and I will be happy to do so!):
Hello My Love,
Thank you for sharing your praise report! I am so sorry you are fealing defeated, depleted, and down this afternoon. I was really convinced that you would have a great day today and I'm sorry that's not the case.
Know that things WILL get better. You are already so much better than just a few weeks ago and God WILL make you completely better. I envision you riding bikes, playing tennis, and doing some other physical activities :)
Stay positive, my love. All will be well.
I love you,
-Gage
Dear Steph,
You need a JOY infusion! I’m telling you, it’s great!
I’ll share with you, my friend’s advice this week: Rather than try to be super mom all day and feel defeated because I can’t, just try to be a great mom for 15 minutes a day. The kids will love it and it’s manageable. …… see the connection…. You’re the mom and your body/spirit are the three crazy kids …… J Small, manageable stuff. The rest of the day will work itself out. I liked her advice this week. It’s helped. Hang in there!
Love,
Shannon
Be encouraged Stephanie. Paul wrote something for you...
"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.
We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,j whok have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us?" -Paul The Apostle
- Jeremy
Oh, sweetie... God loves you so much and is continuing to heal you! His plan is bigger than anything you or I or anyone could ever know. He is continuing to strengthen you more and more each day, as you are SUCH a great patient! LOL! And even though you aren't recovering as quickly as I know you wanted - that doesn't mean you aren't getting better. May God's peace continue to be all over you, and His healing power overwhelm you! His blood was enough - continue to take communion and remind yourself of your healing. Look at what God says and not at what you may see. I love you!!!! *hugs*
~ Mel
Stephanie,
So many times in our lives we all doubt that God is there and is He helping us when we seem to be at our lowest. That is the time to lean and lean heavily on our Christian friends to help left our spirits and our prayers to God. I cannot imagine the pain you are asked to endure on a daily basis, and I do not know God's plan for you, but I do know that He has a plan. In our "human"ness (not a word) we can't see or totally understand, but we (you, me and all your Christian brothers and sisters) must stand strong and believe that God holds you in the palm of His Hand and He will bring you out on the other side so you can enjoy the fruits of this life.
Don't ever doubt your faith cause God knows your heart!!!!!!!
I don't know what I can do to help, but all you need to do is ask or point me in the right direction and I will. Prayers, prayers, prayers is the course we all need to stay focused on.
God put Gage in your life for a reason and one of those reasons was to be a strength to you right now. Let him be there for you and let him take care of you and the house. Just think of all the times that you have been there for him. I'm sure he does. He loves you.
You will get thru the small paychecks because some kind way, God provides. He always does. Don't push yourself too much at school. Whatever we do, it is never enough in the eyes of our employer, so stop!!!!! Just do what you comfortably can and let stuff go. What you do or do not do will not get these children into Harvard nor will it keep them out of Harvard! We are one small bleep on their educational journey. They will survive!!!!
WE WORK FOR GOD.... HE WILL PROVIDE OUR STUDENTS WITH WHAT THEY NEED EVEN IN OUR WEAKNESSES. PUT YOUR STUDENTS IN GOD'S HANDS TOO!!!!!
None of this will really make you feel better right now. But we are all here for you. God has given you a lot of blessings, as you pointed out. So keep your eyes on Him and what He has blessed you with, and take everything one day, one hour, at a time.
Love,
Maryann
Steph,
Please remember that my father-in-law said at 6 months post-(back)surgery he wouldn't have done it but 6 months later said his quality of life had improved dramatically from the procedure.
I wish you weren't in pain, my love, but I know that you are strong and that this, too, will pass. I often think of a native american saying that has brought me solace in times of struggle. I can't remember the exact wording but the message is something like, "When I ask the Great Spirit for strength, challenges are laid before me that I might overcome them." ... You are blessed by true, honest love. So many live an entire life and never know such pleasure! Keep holding your head gracefully high my darling friend. You are healing and you will overcome this challenge in your life.
I love you!
The Other Steph
Hey Steph~
I am so glad I got this. I was JUST praying for you about 20 minutes ago, just praying for your continued healing. It's good to have a specific request now. I am so sorry you are struggling. I am so sorry for your pain. I can only imagine how Satan creeps in those moments and tries to wreck our faith and confidence that we serve a BIG God who gives healing and hope!!! I would encourage you to find a short scripture that you can recite each and every time you find the enemy creeping in. He longs to take our thoughts and we MUST take each one of them captive with scripture and the promises from God!!! He does hear you and has a plan for your process at this time, I'm just sorry it's a process of suffering. Our suffering makes us well aware of our need for God and that much more thankful for His sacrifice on the cross. Try to dwell on those things as much as you can!
Please let me know how I can serve you and Gage. I love you guys!
Erin
Hi Stephanie,
I completely understand where you are coming from. I promise I was there. I was SO frustrated. I started telling myself all these lies… I’ll never be able to teach with this back, I’ll never run again, I’ll never be able to clean my room/house, I’ll never be able to do normal things a 20 something should do, I’ll never be able to fly anywhere… I was TOTALLY there. Nothing anyone said made me feel better because I always thought to myself, “How do you know!?”
Obviously we have different back issues, different surgeries, different bodies… however, I went through the same things emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and (probably) physically. It is a hard and lonely road, but stay strong. Stay positive. Keep looking to the progress even if it is much less than the pain. Sometimes life hits us hard and we have to SLOW down more than we are comfortable doing. Yikes. I hated slowing down, especially when I was 21. You have progressed and you will continue to. It’s just taking a LONG time. I know you must be super frustrated, especially with a new husband to take care of and kiddos at school who depend on you. Try, try to stay positive. Stay in the Word. No matter what I read or what I hear, I’m always directed back to Scripture. All truth is found in there. I think I usually stray from scripture when I’m going through challenging things. I don’t know why I do that, but I know it’s where I should be. God will speak to you through the word.
Sorry for that scrambled message! As I read your email, my heart sank because I know what your going through—or at least a version of it. I’m so sorry! Let me know if there is any other way I can help. Let me know if you ever want to talk, watch a movie, whatever! I am up for just laying around (literally!)
Love,
Katy
hi Steph-- thank you for filling me in { and being open, honest and real} Of course, my prayers are with you. I have a book that I think it would be a good one, for you to read. It is written by Joni Erackson Tada--. She has dealt with Pain levels that are more than she can bear.{ She has been paralyzed since a diving accident when she was very young. She is remarkable-- a singer, author, outstanding artist, --but most of all she knows Jesus Christ and the power of God in her life. What a testimony she is , but this level of pain is new in just this last year.. { If you would like me to bring the book, I'd be so happy to. { Maybe you already know about Joni. She has her own website--{ you can type in her name and it will come up --Or there is a site Joni and Friends. Love julie
Hey Stephanie,
I wish I had some brilliant advice to give you, but anything I'd re-state you've probably already heard. What I do have to share with you is what came to my mind when I read this update - - all that kept coming to my mind was the following:
"Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand." (Ephesians 6:13)
I went to Blue letter bible and looked up the word "Stand" - and a LOT of verses came up. I hope these can maybe encourage you to just keep standing strong... no matter what comes your way:
"Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain."
(1 Corinthians 15:58)
"Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong."
(1 Corinthians 16:13)
"Not that we lord it over your faith, but we work with you for your joy, because it is by faith you stand firm." (2 Corinthians 1:24)
"Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes." (Ephesians 6:11)
"Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place," (Ephesians 6: 14)
----- A portion of what is mentioned in some of these verses has to do with the Armor of God, which also came to mind when I was thinking about "Standing" firm. (Ephesians 6)
I hope this can be encouraging... even as I was reading through these verses, I was personally inspired to just continue to be strong in areas of my life where I've kind of slacked off, or just thought "well, maybe things will never change for the better".
I hope you are having a good week so far - It's only Monday - blah! I will be transitioning jobs here on the 17th (but pulling 60+ hours a week until then). Maybe we can get together for lunch one day that you're either working a half, or have the day off after my schedule slows down?
Be encouraged - people are praying for you and standing with you. You are an amazingly strong and courageous woman!
-Faith-
Stephanie,
Your e-mail touched my heart deeply because it reminded me (and Pat) of past times of suffering and disappointment in our lives . . . and how difficult it was to pray, sometimes, during those times of the dark nights of the soul. That is why we believe so strongly in the prayer of others for us . . . it is so important when we are discouraged and feel that God is not paying any attention, that other people of faith keep lifting us up to God.
I like e-mail, but there are times when only the human voice can convey (more wholly) the love and concern we have for that person (you!). When I first start talking to you on your machine, I felt close to tears because I so wanted all this suffering to be over for you. For some reason, I can accept pain and suffering in an older person . . . but not in a younger person. Ah . . . God's plan . . . so hard to understand or accept sometimes.
Lastly, I want to repeat that Pat reminded me last Saturday that recovery after some of her operations went quickly and efficiently . . . and others took a long, long time. I think that she mentioned her knee operation, and I can still remember her discouragement over the slow progress. Things are fine now . . . but faith and patience were tested back then.
We will continue to pray daily for you, Steph. Just do what your doctors tell you to do and focus on any little area of improvement, no matter how small.
Love,
Aunt Mariann
Stephanie,
I did some thinking before I got on the computer. Aunt Mariann's e-mail was so good, I can't add much more to it--copy it and keep it and read it everytime you need to feel more hope and faith in yourself and your healing.
My e-mail will be a bit more personal. First of all, we both had back surgery, BUT we're both different with different backs and different back problems, different doctors (both very good) and different therapists. The more intensive and involved the surgery, the longer it takes to heal. I'm so sorry for the pain and discouragement you're going through, but your back was so straight on Thanksgiving; and I know eventually you'll feel good and hopefully glad you had the surgery done. My back is good (compared to how I used to feel), but I still feel, and probably always will, some back stiffness--it's hard bending over and putting my socks on, and I'm not walking or standing as straight as I want to, and I still need my back brace when I'm going to be baking cookies, putting up the tree, things like that, and I do take muscle relaxants at night after a rough day. You're off the walker (great!), and you're walking real far every day. I walk and ride an exercise bike (now), but I don't think I could ever walk as far as you. Believe in yourself, Steph. I can see you doing a lot better.
About being discouraged and feeling hopeless . . . I didn't think I would ever be able to sleep or walk again pain-free after my left knee replacement. It was so swollen and stiff (and, of course) I was sent back to work after six weeks, where I did a lot of sitting and my knee kept stiffening up. So painful!! So finally I was put back on sick leave, and the doctor did a fun thing called Manipulation where I was completely knocked out in the hospital and he bent and stretched my knee and then sent me to constant physical (painful) therapy. Finally, after a lot of work, I was able to be "normal" again and sleep again and walk again. I am grateful for the surgery--my knee is good now; but there were times I thought, WHY did I ever have it done?
Stephanie, my wish for you is to believe in God's presence and love for you, and believe in us and our love and prayers, AND every day find something to be thankful for, some blessing that you noticed and are grateful for. Some days it's really a challenge. You have a wonderful, caring husband. Maybe you were able to walk a little easier, maybe you didn't tire as much as the day before, maybe the kids at school were a little more responsive or one of them said something sweet to you or funny to make you laugh. But please believe little by little things will get better, you will get better.
Love you--all my prayers--
Aunt Pat
Thinking and Dreaming and Planning and Hoping...
How does that song go? Well that's what I'm doing for you right now. I'm thinking of you whole and well, dreaming about you running down a beach, planning for good times ahead and hoping that it will happen soon!
I talked to a pain specialist colleague of mine at a recent dinner and told him about you and he said not to get discouraged because those operations are big deals and it takes time for a lot of his patients to heal. He said a year was not unheard of.
Two things have been running through my mind all day while I was thinking of what I could write that could help you - both are things I've run across in my reading in the last day or so and they caught my eye...... One was "Control less, trust more." What that means to me is that you have covered your bases with good doctors and good ancillary help and good friends and loving family and that perhaps it is time to relax and let the healing take place without worrying about the details. What would it be like not to journal for awhile or keep track of your pain scale.This shouldn't be so hard Sweetie. The second is "What we resist, persists." You are understandably concentrating on your pain (hard to ignore) and the (too slow) recovery and your fear that you won't get better. That's where your attention is and that is what you are noticing. Perhaps you could try putting your attention somewhere else (doesn't have to be big - even a dripping faucet would do) and see what happens. Worth a try? These are both things that I've seen help other patients.
I do believe you will get well and have never considered that you won't.
Just got back to town last night or I would have answered your sweet and poignant letter earlier. Thank you, by the way, for your TG card. It made my day!
Love Always - Dr. Mom
So, what can I say to you, the wonderful girl who has graced Gage's life?
That life is fair? It isn't!
But let me offer a few suggestions ----
It's not that you are not healing, but rather that it's going slowly. That's a sign that your body is telling you to take it easy, especially with new exercises (like the treadmill). This is not the time to suck it up and push through. Make progress slowly! Remember that you have youth on your side....
Expect the best and it will come. There is actually a whole process based on this, called the Law of Attraction. Basically, it says that we would do well to anticipate good things will happen. Or, put another way, failure is not only not going to happen, but we are not even going to consider it. Or as the gospel song says, "He may not come when we want Him but He's right on time!"
Let others help you. Some of the way, it seems you must travel alone, but good wishes and prayers and friends will always be there...
Love, Chuck
Hi Steph,
...I understand.... I’ve experienced chronic back pain and it is truly debilitating.
More than anything I wanted to tell you that you absolutely have total permission to focus on yourself to get well. I remember you said that you were advised that it would take 1-2 years for you to feel better and trust me, it will be worth it in the long run if you focus on getting to that point. I know that it’s hard and very painful and that you may feel responsible as a newlywed to follow some vague standard, but nothing is more important than you getting stronger and feeling better. You are an amazing woman and you will get there. If you need someone to hold your hand (or help with chores, or just to talk to), count me in! We love you and are there for you every step of the way, truly!
What do you need that would help you the most right now???
Do not give up, please. Take baby steps. Look how far you have come already!!!
Talk soon! Love,
Karen (and Ed, and Ponzi)
I asked for Encouragement, and I received....
Thank you!
Love to you all,
Steph
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