4:1

The other day, a friend at work asked me, “We (she and her husband) pray for you everyday; are any of the prayers being answered?” She asked me out of both sympathy and humor and I responded the same, “I hope so!”

The past few weeks have been admittedly difficult for me, beginning with the MRI. As teachers, we learn to base our responses and reactions with a 4:1 ratio; the goal being to provide four positive feedback/responses to every 1 negative. However, Gage and I listened to a sermon on Sunday which reminded us that Christianity and suffering go hand-in-hand. Keeping both of these philosophies in mind, I will try to inform you as best possible all that I endured the last two weeks and what the next few weeks have in store for me…

(Negative #1) The technical jargon of the MRI report is as follows:

Written Report Findings: “There is no evidence of fracture or marrow edema. Note is made of simple appearing cyst measuring 12x7 cm in diameter located in the anterior inferior portion of the right femoral head. The bony anatomy of the hips are otherwise unremarkably bilaterally. The femoral heads are well-rounded. There is no significant joint fluid.

There is made of edema within the tissues of the quadratus femoris muscles near their trochanteric attachments, left greater than right suggesting myositis or muscle strain.”

Impression: “Edema within the tissues of quadratus femoris muscle near their trochanteric attachments, left greater than right. The appearance suggests myosistis or muscle sprain. The examination is otherwise unremarkable with note of a small, simple appearing cyst in the right femoral head.”

What does all this mean? I think it verifies that the pain I’ve been experiencing along my left hip joint, left diaphragm and left leg is due to sprained muscles; basically, I sprained my hip. And, apparently, there is note of a cyst on my right hip.

(Negative #2 – already blew the 4:1 ratio!) Even though my Surgeon received this information the day after my MRI, he refused to talk to me about it until my appointment, which is scheduled for this Friday. His lack of communication only led me to lack of information as to how to treat both my sprained hip and recovering back. (For a sprained him, one should rest and use heat/ice and anti-inflammatory drugs; for back surgery recovery, one should walk 3 miles each day, avoid ice or cold and stay away from anti-inflammatory medication…)

(Positive #1 – only 7 more to go…) Upon receiving the MRI report, my first thought was, “I’m not crazy!” You may laugh, but with each appointment that I see my Surgeon, he tells me over and over again how “atypical” my results are, essentially blaming me for my poor – or abnormal – recovery. With these MRI results, at least I have reliable data that demonstrates that there are mechanical problems within my body that are both causing my pain and decreasing the success of my recovery.

(Positive #2) One week after I received the MRI results, I was able to see Dr. Julie, a physical therapist (DPT – which means she has her doctorate in physical therapy) who works with Dr. Mark and who is the President of the Rehab Facility where I have been receiving my Biofeedback therapy. (She “squeezed” me in after hearing “my story” from Mark.)

(Positive #3) Dr. Julie does not take my insurance; however, having spoken to Mark and the office manager, she arranged to see me as a “cash patient” for a reduced fee.

(Positive #4) At my PT evaluation with Dr. Julie, we hit it off immediately. Ironically, she shares my birthday! As we spent several hours together, first going over my medical history, then as she gave me my (excruciatingly painful) physical evaluation, we learned that we have a lot in common. We “clicked.” I looked at the shared birthday and interests as a God Wink… Throughout the entire visit, I felt at peace with Dr. Julie. Not only that, I felt that she could actually help me.

(Negative #3 – it’s going to be hard to keep up with the positives now!) Mark originally recommended that I see Dr. Julie to get a PT consult. He suspected that I had problems with my hips and wanted Dr. Julie to evaluate me and give me some advice in which I could pursue treatment on my own. After a two-and-a-half hour evaluation, Dr. Julie told me that she was not finished with the eval, and that our hope for self-treatment would not benefit me as much as if I were to see her on a regular basis. Dr. Julie told me that I suffer from: hip misalignment, malnutrition (due to my decreased appetite because of my constant pain and pain medication) and sleep deprivation. She said she can help me with all of these things, but that we need a Treatment Plan; then, she acknowledged that since my insurance does not cover her services, I cannot afford her.

(Positive #5) Throughout the evaluation, Dr. Julie learned that I have not worked full-time, hence, have not received a full salary, since August 2010; she also learned that I have many medical bills and that starting January 1st, my Insurance Co. re-set their deductables and increased their co-pays, which meant that I have several cash-payments due very soon; additionally, she learned that we have two mortgages, as Gage’s (our) Kirkwood house is still on the market and that both my husband and I are teachers; consequently, earning “teacher’s salaries.” Even though all of these financial woes are not a “positive,” Dr. Julie told me that her company offered a Scholarship Program for “people in my financial situation.” Dr. Julie told me to talk to the office manager and see if I am a candidate to receive assistance; therefore, I could officially become Dr. Julie’s patient. I called the office manager and she said she’d have the Scholarship application ready for me tomorrow. We are praying that I qualify!

(Positive #6) CALLING ALL DOCTORS! The same week I had my MRI, Mark encouraged me to speak to my Pain Management Specialist, Dr. Wayne, regarding my medications. Mark has known that, for months now, the medications prescribed by my Orthopedic Doctor/Surgeon haven’t even come close to cutting the edge off of my pain, and he thought that I should try a non-narcotic pain reliever. I called Dr. Wayne who kindly called me back that same day and agreed with Mark. Without even having me come into his office for an appointment, Dr. Wayne consulted with me over the phone, taught me how to stop taking the narcotics and prescribed a non-narcotic pain reliever. I have been on the new medication for over a week and, even with the hip sprain, I am noticing less pain, better sleep and fewer medicinal side-effects.

Unfortunately, I did not meet my 4:1 ratio; however, it has come to the point where I can tell you what lies ahead… On Friday, I have an appointment with The Surgeon. I anticipate him being rigid and impersonal. I also expect that he will not address the sprained hip or the cyst (not “his field”); additionally, he will likely disapprove of me calling Dr. Wayne and stop taking the narcotics that he prescribed (even though narcotics are much more harmful. Fortunately, both Gage and my mother-in-law, Karen, are accompanying me to the doctor appointment. I truly feel as if, prior to each visit, I need to prepare an army of advocates to be on my side, for The Surgeon has a relentless way of making me feel inferior and as if any and all problems of my recovery are entirely my fault.

For you Prayer Warriors out there, please lift me high this week… I pray for answers regarding my recovery and treatment for ALL of my suffering. I pray for kind doctors and affordable remedies. I pray for emotional and physical support. Most importantly, I pray that I am reminded that God has a plan for me; He has not left me alone in this challenge; He will provide and He will heal me.