Tinsel and Teardrops

This year, we had A Plan! A plan that would get me through the holidays pain-free. Due to the excruciating pain caused by the horrific Holiday Seasons for the past three years, my PT Team and I devised a sure-proof strategy that would allow me to experience both Christmas Eve and Christmas day with family. However, as I have said time and again, “We plan, God laughs.”

Nancy, my case manager, determined that although I have an every-other-day restriction policy, I would likely be able to manage a small gathering at my own home on Christmas Eve and a few hours out of the house on Christmas Day. Additionally, I stocked the house with bath salts (which ease muscle spasms), charged my infra-TENS machine (which helps decrease inflammation) and had my orthopedic cushion packed and ready to go anywhere we went. Also, Gage attended Physical Therapy with me on the Thursday prior to Christmas and learned massage techniques to aide in reducing my pain. We were set to go!

On Christmas Eve, Gage and I met our friends at church and enjoyed celebrating The REAL Reason for the Season. We went to the afternoon service so that I would have about two hours to rest after church before my family arrived. The pain was creeping up, but I was able to keep it under control. Gage and I enjoyed a nice evening with my uncle, cousins, parents and grandparents. Everyone laughed the night away, exchanged presents and visited while I was able to relax in the comfort of my own home. Unfortunately, though, after only four short hours of partying, my pain took over and the celebration ended. Thankfully, it was ten o’clock at night and my grandparents were ready to go to bed anyways!

According to The Plan, Christmas Day was to be spent at home with my husband. Late afternoon, we were to join my parents and Bonnie & Shay for our family gift exchange and then my mom’s side was to join us for dinner and another party. Again, the events did not quite happen as expected…

The pain from Christmas Eve only worsened throughout the night and exacerbated on Christmas Day. Gage and I were still able to enjoy our Christmas breakfast, exchange presents and tease the dog with treats; however, Gage also helped me through two TENS Treatments, a bath-salt soak and a massage using PT techniques. Pushing through the pain, I went to my parents’ house.

What should have been a fantastic holiday celebration was yet another Christmas party where I practiced my Biofeedback breathing to make it through presents, food and visiting with family. I wanted to stay; I wanted to jump from cousin to cousin, from room to room; I wanted to listen to stories about everyone’s Christmas day, to help my mom clean up after dinner and to play games with the family. That, however, did not happen. Through the pain, I managed to stay until eight o’clock. Gage helped me to the car and finally I let the tears fall.

Once we arrived at home, Gage (again) helped me set up my TENS machine, massaged the mangled muscles and settled me down with a heating pad. Then I cried some more while resting in my husband’s arms. It was that moment when we both realized that, despite ALL of the amazing progress that I have made through PT Bootcamp over the past four months, I am not healed. I still have limitations. I am still Disabled…

The day after Christmas, I was bed-ridden. The pain did not decrease until I finally saw my Physical Therapist on Tuesday and then reduced to a more manageable level after seeing my Acupuncturist on Wednesday. Two days of Christmas Celebrations, again, led to about a week of agony.

It is difficult to expect my family and friends to repeatedly accommodate my disability when even my husband and I sometimes forget that my restrictions rule my life. It is even more challenging to live my life day-after-day, holiday-after-holiday, praying for a pain-free day when all of the Specialists in my life tell me that “this is just the way that it is.”

During Physical Therapy this week, I was told that next year, I should consider only celebrating Christmas on one day instead of two. Yes, that is a possibility. However, while talking to my dear friend, Megan, I was reminded that I cannot lose hope. Megan reminded me that she was still praying for me – that there are MANY people who are still praying for me. She also reminded me that there are twelve more months of Treatment and Healing ahead of me that could be the miracle God has waiting for me. Megan also encouraged me, reminding me that my family and friends will support me through this discouraging time in my life; they will not only “mind” accommodating me to support my Disability; but they will happily do what is necessary to keep me free of pain and give my disabled body the same chance of happiness during the Holiday Season as their healthy ones.

Regardless of the Christmas Tears, I am entering the New Year with hope. We are scheduling another Team Meeting to determine a new set of goals at my PT Facility and I have already worked with Lori and Nancy on starting a new Treatment Plan, which I am very excited to begin in a few days. Most importantly, I have decided that although Christmas of 2011 was sore and sorrowful, I will hold onto the faith that 2012 will be better!