Where is the Faith?

About a month ago, Gage and I visited with friends, Faith and Jeremy after church. Like many of you who are reading this blog, Faith and Jeremy have been keeping up with my recovery and have been praying for my healing for a long time. They were ecstatic with the Performance Review from November and anxious to hear what other types of miracles had occurred since my latest Physical Therapy reevaluation…

Unfortunately, I had hit a brick wall with my recovery & Faith and Jeremy had caught me on a particularly pain-filled day. As Gage and I tried to celebrate the successes of my recovery with Faith and Jeremy, I finally admitted to Jeremy that I was having a difficult time remaining hopeful in regards to receiving complete healing. Jeremy reminded me “We can pray for your healing and we can pray that God also restores your faith, too.”

Last night, Gage and I met with our Pastor Jay. Walking with Jay into the sitting area, he noticed that I had a slight limp. “How are you feeling today, Steph?” He asked. “Okay,” I replied. Jay wanted more. “On a scale of One to Ten, what would you say was your pain level?” “Five,” I said without giving it much thought. “That is higher than usual, isn’t it?” he asked. “Yes,” I admitted.

Pastor Jay went on to talk to Gage and I about my disability. During our discussion, I finally admitted that I was losing my belief that I would one day fully recover. Jay has known Gage and I for quite a while now. Jay knows about my constant array of doctor appointments; he knows about how my disability affects our ability to make it to church weekly and consistently join Community Groups; and, Jay knows that my disability has greatly affected not only my life, but Gage’s as well.

Last night, I confessed to Jay, “People undergo surgery every day and it makes them better, but it made me worse… I can’t help but ask, ‘Why won’t God heal me?’ I can’t help but lose faith when the pain that I was promised would disappear has only gotten worse since my surgery. Why not me?”

This is a common question to Pastor Jay. He agreed, “Why not? Why is God choosing not to heal you right now when we all know that He has the power to do so?” Then Jay reminded me, “God has plans for us that we may never know or understand. God allows things to happen in our life that we may not like or want; however, it is not up to us to question God. To God, these years of pain, trial and tribulation are a blink according to God’s timeline.”

Like Jeremy, Pastor Jay reminded me to keep praying. I also confessed to Jay that I was finding prayer difficult lately. Jay encouraged me, saying, “Steph, you do not need to thank God for the pain you feel every day or the disability that you have. BUT, you can thank Him that you have a husband who loves you and wants to help care for you when you hurt, that you have made progress in your recovery, that you are provided for during this time off of work so that you can receive Treatments without balancing work, too, and you can be thankful that you have many friends and family members who recognize your limitations and support you through them.”

Today, I prayed that God strengthen my faith. Today, I thanked God for the many people in my life who have encouraged me and who have gotten me through this debilitating time in my life. Today, I am thankful for the people who read this blog with the intent to pray for me, for Gage, for our health, for provision and for the miracle of my recovery. THANK YOU!

This blog has been a great outlet for me to share with you my battles and my victories. Many of you who read it send me emails and comments, which I appreciate more than you could know… Can I ask you to take that support one step further? Please take a few minutes to sign up as a Follower on this Blog – seeing your names next to my journey will remind me that you are by my side, encouraging me along the way.

Thank you my friends!