Stephanie and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Have you ever had one of those days? Of course you have. Who hasn’t? There is no reason why my day would be any worse than your bad day, but I’m going to cry about it anyways because today I had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day!


I wish I would have woken up to the soothing sound of a waterfall on my sound-therapy alarm clock, but instead I sat up in fright after dreaming about demons all night. To trick my mind from recalling the nightmares, I jumped straight onto the computer. Today was budget-day. The bad day started small with a miscalculation of the Visa bill. But the small, irritating battles wouldn’t stop: then came the inability to delete a recipient from my Bill Pay Account, an error on the Charter bill, not being able to receive the gas bill, an incorrect balance on the car insurance and an error on my end of a transfer – all in one hour!

Bills were finally finished and I moved onto the next productive item on my list: scheduling appointments. As I was on the phone with the vet, the phone died. Instead of Charter disconnecting just our cable, the maintenance man was informed to turn off ALL of our equipment. There goes the phone and internet, too!

I attempted to text my husband to see if he could call Charter on his lunch break to fix the problem. Having a limited number of minutes on my cell phone, and knowing through MUCH experience, the average length of a phone call with Charter is at least 30-60 minutes long, I needed his help. Of course, he did not get my text messages. Of course, the cell-service in his building was restricting his texts. Of course, I couldn’t get his help and I had to use the last of my minutes on a phone call with the cable company that is my all-time nemesis.

After the fourth scuffle of the month with Charter, my phone and internet were finally restored. Lady’s vet appointment was made and so was my dentist appointment. As I finalized my Google calendar, I receive an email from some stranger at Guardian (my disability provider), telling me that “after several attempts, she still has not received my waiver for premium life insurance.” I sent that waiver LAST MAY from my school’s fax machine. There began the string of back-and-forth “are you sure you didn’t get it” and “you just need to fill out this form again” I found the evidence. I found the original ALREADY competed document and original fax. Once this was scanned to the stranger, she forgot to apologize for the inconvenience or the fact that I spent hours rifling through my accordion folder of paperwork and documents to find the stupid form – she actually did not respond to my email at all.

Then followed my mountain of appointments. This month has been insane! I have had appointment after appointment since 2012 began! Ironically, though, my PT Facility has been unable to schedule my reevaluation. Without the reevaluation, the Team is unable to determine my progress. If the Team is unable to measure my progress, there is nothing to base new goals upon. If there is nothing to base new goals upon WHAT IS THE POINT OF GOING TO THESE APPOINTMENTS AT ALL???

Granted, I understand that everyone makes mistakes. I listened to a Focus on the Family podcast a few months ago where the hosts were interviewing a husband and wife author-team who wrote a book about how to have a successful Christian marriage. When the host said to the wife, “It must be easy to live with your husband and practice these ideas, considering your husband is a pastor,” to which the wife responded, “He may be a pastor, but he is a human first.”

My PT facility may be the best PT facility I have EVER been to; nonetheless, it is a facility built by humans and operated by humans. I expect perfection from them and I am disappointed when they are not perfect. (Lucky for them, I feel the same way about myself.) Why am I bringing up my PT facility? Because even THEY made my day worse than it already was!

I have been trying since NOVEMBER of 2011 to schedule my reevaluation with them. Each week, I am told by the Office Manager, “I’m working on it,” and “Check back with me in a few days.” Today, I was tired of waiting. I was not just in a bad mood – which I admit that I was – but I had already been hounded by Guardian once today and I did not need to be attacked by them at the end of the month because they did not receive the results of the PT reevaluation that was promised to occur in January. When I arrived for my appointments today, I was told that the “only appointment available is for 7AM on February 2nd.” Really? It took TWO MONTHS to get the world’s worst appointment? Really? My doctor who created a goal for me to get at least 8-10 hours of sleep each night and knows that I set an alarm to wake up at 8:30am each morning is telling me that the only time she will see me is at 7:00 IN THE MORNING TWO WEEKS FROM NOW?

Unfortunately, the Office Manager got my wrath. Unfortunately, my Case Manager got what was left of it. Then, she had the nerve to try to convince me that I needed to start eating meat even though I have been a vegetarian since 2002 and have gained the 5lbs she required for me to gain. Following the No-Meat discussion, she informed me that there may need to be a Team Meeting without me, because there are “things going on at the office that are keeping everyone from being able to get together.” Not my fault nor my business – all I want is the next set of goals so I can have something to work towards other than adding another song to my Dance Central routine or two minutes to my cardio count at the gym.

By the time I saw my Biofeedback Specialist, I was already in tears and there was not a lot that he could do to get average Baseline Data on a Non-Stressed-Steph, because after the day I had, I could not deny the stress piled on my plate, so I had to make yet ANOTHER appointment to see him in a week.

Many people think that just because I am on Disability, I sit at home, paint my nails, take long baths and get massages for the pain. WRONG. It is 6:15pm and I am just sitting down for the day. I haven’t yet put away the laundry, fed the dog or started dinner. My husband is stuck at a PTA meeting and so he is not around to help and my back is hurting from the activity and anxiety of the last 10 hours. My day consisted of a list of to-dos longer than most people’s grocery lists and I had two two-hour doctor appointments to attend on top of it! I thought that when I took the year off of Special Education, the usual amount of paperwork that I completed each week on emails, data collection and Individualized Education Plans would be a thought of the past, but now thanks to Social Security Applications, Guardian Waiver forms, Physicians Statements, Pain Logs, Medical Updates and MORE, I wish I had an IEP to write!

Most of my blogs are about my medical and emotional journey throughout my disability. Most of my blogs have a happy ending – or at least a hopeful ending to tie my misery with a little smile. Today, I had a bad day. Just like you. Just like any person with or without a disability. Today, I guess you could consider me “normal” because I was not given a break just because my back is literally broken. Today, I am not looking for a silver lining or a happy quote to help transition into a peaceful evening at home… Today, I am admitting that I had a TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE, NO GOOD, VERY BAD DAY.