Back-Breaking Miracles

Last Wednesday, I had my PT re-evaluation. The purpose of these re-evaluations is for my physical therapists (and I) to see how much progress I have made since the last evaluation. My last evaluation, held in November 2011, was AMAZING! I showed SO much growth and improvements in my physical recovery that my future looked very promising. This evaluation, however, was not so great…

Since I began participating in PT Bootcamp from September to present day (about 5 months), I have made incredible improvements. My pain levels have overall decreased, I am completely off of any narcotic or “harsh” medications, I require less sleep each night, my appetite is recovered and I have gained some of the weight that I had lost from the surgery and overall, I am able to attempt many activities of daily living that I could not do before starting PT Bootcamp. However, at this particular reevaluation, my body was not responding to the directions given by The Facility President, Dr. Julie, and before I knew it, I was crumbled on the floor, screaming in agony. Unfortunately, I ended up leaving The Facility in excruciating pain. I threw out my back… again. Dr. Julie was not sure which exercise was the culprit for my relapse; regardless, I spent the next four days bed-ridden and praying for God to take the pain away.

Even though those four days were spent in misery and distress, with the extensive amount of rest my body received, by Saturday, I was able to walk on my own and decrease my medication back to my regular dosage. By Monday, I re-visited The Facility and saw my regular PT, Nancy. I was able to exercise on the stationary bike and then spent the next 45 minutes filling Nancy in on the pain and working on my sore muscles. Nancy felt responsible for what happened at the re-evaluation. She wished that she would have been at The Facility that day to help monitor my activities and then work on my muscles once my back gave out. It wasn’t Nancy’s fault. It wasn’t Dr. Julie’s fault. It wasn’t my fault. As the saying goes, “it is what it is….”

Even through the pain, Dr. Julie was able to notice some improvements from the last evaluation; however, they were not as significant as she expected. Out of all of the exercises, I only scored Proficient in: kneeling and crawling. I could not: bend forward, walk, stand, reach, maintain balance, squat or sustain appropriate hand-eye-coordination. Dr. Julie determined that, at this point, not only am I unable to return to the Special Education Classroom, she also needs to determine a specific condition for which I will qualify as “disabled.” Even though I receive Disability Provision from my employer, Dr. Julie concluded that I require an official disability diagnosis because I am “unable to perform necessary activities of general living.” Additionally, I legally require the diagnosis so that I can qualify for healthcare and other benefits if I do, in fact, have to officially quite my job with Special School District due to my inability to work in the classroom.

I felt as if someone was stabbing me in the heart in addition to the torture aimed at my back. Was I always going to be “this way?”

That question is still unanswered. When I explained the results of the re-evaluation to Nancy on Monday, her eyes filled with tears. “Oh, Steph," she cried, "You’re so young! This just isn’t fair!”

Nancy is right. THIS IS NOT FAIR! But, this is life. Today, I went to Acupuncture with Maureen. I had to cancel my Acupuncture appointment last Friday due to my condition. When Maureen saw me this afternoon, she was very cautious; however, I convinced her that I felt much better than I had last week. Maureen said, “That is a miracle, Stephanie!” She explained, “For your body to go through such extreme anguish on Wednesday, then bounce back almost completely just a week later, is rather remarkable…”

It was a miracle! As much as I cursed God and begged for recovery earlier last week, I had not noticed that God was listening. I was so consumed by the throbbing torture in my back and the soreness that circulated through my body that when I finally started walking four days after the re-evaluation, I did not think of it as a miracle. When I rode the bike at The Facility on Monday, I did not consider that activity as part of God’s Plan. When I exercised for 30 minutes on Tuesday, I did not acknowledge the strength suddenly given to my formerly-incapacitated limbs as exceptional. When I was able to go to the gym this morning, I did not recognize the recovered body that God had provided to me this week. No, He did not heal my body from its disability… But, He did take away the pain from last week and perform His own miracle by restoring my back to its pre-re-evaluation-self. In the grand scheme of things, I’d rather have this body than the one which could not get out of bed any day!

I have heard that God performs miracles every day; I just never before realized that people often over-look them because they are too busy looking for something else instead.

What miracle happened to you this week?