Misery... Loves Company

I met Jamie when I was 14 years old. She has known me for OVER HALF of my life. She helped me get my first fake ID when I was seventeen. She and I got matching tattoos after we graduated high school. She visited so often while I was at Mizzou that she was an honorary roommate in my college house. She was with me the night I got Saved and helped me dedicate my life to God. I moved in with her once I graduated from Mizzou and decided to start working towards my Teaching Certificate. She led me to the first church in which I became a member. We shared clothes, make-up, secrets, even ex-boyfriends. Jamie is the type of friend who you forget that she knows you as well as she does; she is the type of friend who knows parts of you better than you know yourself…

Jamie and I had an hour and a half phone-date last week. We only live about thirty minutes away from each other, but with her two babies and my disability (and the million other demands in our lives) we talk to one another on the phone more than we see each other. However, Jamie is the type of friend with whom you can go months without speaking and pick right up as if you spoke yesterday.

Those are the best kinds of friends…

Jamie likes to “get real” with me. While we chatted last week, I told Jamie that I had decided to write a book about people who suffer from various conditions, such as chronic pain, chronic conditions and other “invisible disabilities,” as I discussed in my last blog. Jamie is one of my greatest cheerleaders. She said, “Stephanie, you were meant to be a writer! You have been writing since before high school!” she reminded me and I laughed at her memory.

I told Jamie that even though I was excited that I was finally living one of my dreams – to be an author – I was sad. The only reason I am able to write a book NOW is because I am not able to work and I am on Disability. Ever since I decided to become a teacher, when I was twenty-one years old, I told myself that during my summers OFF, I would write my books. I taught for five years and never once wrote those books…

Jamie, being bold as she always is said, “Steph, this reminds me of the Stephen King novel, Misery. The main character literally tied the author to his bed and broke both of his feet so that he would write his book.” I waited for Jamie to explain to me her point… “Steph!” she called my attention, “Maybe God is doing this for you!” she said with excitement. “What if God has taken everything else, ALL of your distractions, even your health, away from you so that He could use you to finally write that book?”

Jamie left me speechless. Was she right? For years, I have asked God, “WHY?” Why did I hurt all of the time? Why did God lead me to be a teacher only to give me a body that can’t teach? Why, God? Why?

As ridiculous as I thought that Jamie’s analogy was at first, I started to re-think it…
I may not be happy that I am disabled and that I cannot teach, but the idea of being a writer very much thrills me!

I have been going through my physical pain trying to keep a smile on my face and showing others the silver lining in my life, but there are days when I am miserable inside.

Is my current misery God’s way of making my dreams come true?

Maybe one day, I’ll find out…