FAQs #4: What Does Permanent Mean?

What does Permanent Mean?

Different words have different meanings depending on their context. Gage and I celebrated our Wedding Anniversary on Monday. Regarding our marriage, Permanent means, “Til death do us part!” For my wonderful husband and I, permanent means FOREVER!!!

However, in terms of my Disability, the phrase that my Medical Team and I have created is, “Permanent means For Now.”

When I told everyone that my Medical Team labeled my disability is Permanent, I received countless worried (and even angry) responses. Loved ones did not like the idea of doctors deeming me, a young, thirty-one-year old as permanently disabled. They wanted the doctors to do more. They want me to see more specialists. They encouraged me to get fourth, fifth and sixth opinions – hoping that my disability would change.

I understand this heartache and desire more than anyone! However, in this case, Permanent is the BEST “label” for my circumstance. I cannot return to work. I am currently unable to manage my pain. I do not have a firm grasp on what my body can tolerate, especially since I can often endure one activity one day and I will crash doing that same activity two days later. Right now, the pain is unexplainable. Right now, the Medical Team and I are dealing with the consequences of my surgery. Right now, we are learning what makes me “different” from other people who have had a Spinal Fusion and, even more so, why I am not recovering.

For now, Permanent means:
- Until I can find the right doses of medication or treatment to successfully manage my pain SO THAT I can lead a better life.
- Until I have a better understanding of my pain tolerance and physical limits.
- Until we find a career path that does not cause my body to experience more pain.
- Until Gage and I are able to be foster or adoptive parents.
- Until surgeons, doctors or scientists determine another treatment that will “fix” what the spinal fusion did not.
- Until there are further medical advances to aid chronic pain.

People assume that the word Permanent is going to keep me from hoping that one day, I will heal. That is NOT the case! For now, the permanent label is allowing me the time off of work to dedicate to my recovery, to attend as many doctor appointments as necessary, to decrease the stress in my life and to have a supplemental income that provides the means for my medications, co-payments and insurance.

Praise Report: Because my Medical Doctors all agreed that my disability is permanent, my Disability Provider agreed to extend my Disability until June 2013. (A month ago, I was told that my disability approval would STOP in August – which terrified me). Gage and I were so worried that, without the supplemental income, we would not be able to afford private healthcare, my bi-weekly main management treatments or my new, expensive pain medication. This news is MUSIC to our ears! What happens next June? The Disability Provider will work with both me and my Medical Team to determine if, based on my experience and education, there is a job for which I am qualified and can physically work. I am excited about this! If there is a career out there that I can actually do, I want to know about it! And, if I am in the same, incapable position as I am now, then we will determine that and I can (hopefully) continue to focus on my recovery and working towards a less-pain-filled life.

Book Update: I am having the best time working with two of my best friends, Melissa and Stephanie, on my book! Melissa and Stephanie have graciously agreed to be my Editors. I have finished seven chapters, have three in-progress and three more outlined. We are conferencing every few weeks to brainstorm and edit. These two ladies are encouraging me to enjoy the JOURNEY of writing this book, not just the finished product! I will blog more about my book SOON! Stay Tuned!!!

This completes the “FAQs About My Surgery” portion of the blog. If you have any more questions, leave me a comment or email me! I thank you for encouraging me to realize that, despite my disability or “label” – my pain does not define me and that I can celebrate everyday successes WITH you!